Be Still & Know

In February of 2025, shortly before turning 40, I went for my first mammogram. During that appointment, an area of “questionable architectural distortion” was discovered on the middle, outer quadrant of my left breast. After an ultrasound, the radiologist concluded that the spot was “probably benign,” but decided I would need to return in 6 months for a follow up and sent me on my way.

I returned in August for the follow up visit, and again, after mammogram and ultrasound, I was told that the area of concern was less conspicuous than before, but that they would check it again in 6 months with my regular, annual mammogram.

When I received the bill for this follow up, I have to say I was annoyed… I had ONE mammogram that fell under the “preventative care” classification for insurance purposes, but henceforth, because of this “unconcerning, probably benign” spot, my mammograms will no longer be considered preventative – unless, I suppose, the place of concern goes away? Regardless, I was annoyed after that 2nd follow up. Annoyed by the bill, annoyed that it took up literally half of my day, and not to mention the emotional agony of sitting for what felt like eternity for a second time, wondering if this time was going to be the time when they did become concerned.

Each time, while waiting for the results, I found myself talking to God – and both times it had been a similar prayer – something along the lines of “I really can’t take anymore on my plate right now, Lord. Haven’t I been through enough over the last few years with my health? I’m finally starting to adjust to life with POTS and get back on my feet…so this is REALLY not what I need right now. This is not what my family needs right now.”

God knew that my heart was not in the right place. Not then. 4 years of battling a chronic illness, with no answers or hope for relief, had really worn me down. That, coupled with some other serious challenges in our family had me incredibly stressed, and just not in a good place. God knew I wasn’t up for the challenge then, but He began working on my heart over the next few months. He was preparing me then… I see that now.

After finally finding a specialist for POTS that could actually help me, for the first time in 4+ years, I was starting to feel better. My functional capacity was improving, I wasn’t having to rest/sleep as much, and my flare ups and symptoms were getting more and more manageable. As my health improved, I was able to focus more on my family and those things that had me so burdened. I began praying, begging God, to do ANYTHING necessary to bring peace and restoration to this situation.

Even though He reminded me DAILY that the weight I was carrying wasn’t my burden to bear, and as much as I wanted to trust Him with it fully… I was having a really hard time letting it go. He was just patiently waiting for me to realize and admit that I had done everything in my own power and exhausted every resource available to me…and then maybe I would finally turn it over to Him once and for all.

And then the day came – when two professionals told me that it was time to accept that I had done and was doing everything that could be done in that situation. It was time to be at peace with knowing it was no longer in my hands. I took that as a divine message from God telling me that it was time to let it go, and let Him be God. It wasn’t easy, but I gradually started to loosen my grip and relinquish control, all while continuing to pray for God to do anything necessary to bring peace.

This concluded 2025, and I was ready to turn the page to a new year- better health, a more positive outlook on things, and fully trusting God to answer my prayer.