Be Still & Know

It’s been a little over a month now since receiving the “best-case-scenario” diagnosis from the pathology report. I don’t know exactly what I thought that meant at the time, but as this journey continues, I’m learning more and more that I was highly mistaken in my perception of that term, or at least as it pertains to a breast cancer diagnosis.

While I am so incredibly grateful that the Lord was gracious enough to hear our pleas and answer our prayers for the best possible outcome (when we didn’t know what we were facing), I’ve discovered that “best case scenario” in no way translates to “easy” in this world, not even close. I suppose I misconstrued all of the evidence that pointed to an early-stage, non-aggressive cancer to mean it wasn’t really a big deal. Just have it removed and then go on about my life as usual? Yeah, and as Coach Corso would say, “Not so fast, my friend.”

Once I began considering my treatment options and allowed myself to fully process what all the things being thrown at me mean in the long term, the full weight of the reality of this diagnosis started to settle in. Every appointment requires more decisions, which then introduce a new series of hypothetical and theoretical possibilities that have to be taken into consideration. None of the options are ideal, and definitely not easy. And “none of the above” is not an accepted response. Trust me, I tried it. There’s simply no easy way out of this, no matter how “best case scenario” it is.

All of that being said, God is continually teaching me the discipline of discernment through all of this decision-making. He has also reminded me why I felt it necessary years ago to have the words “Be Still & Know” tattooed on my wrist as a daily, visible reminder to

SLOW DOWN.

breathe.

ask.

WAIT.

listen.

If you know me, you know. The struggle is real.

Sometimes, if we’re not careful, we can dismiss some of our decision-making as not “important enough” to warrant God’s direction. Before long, we begin to dismiss more and more, until one day we look back and can’t remember the last time we’ve truly sought God’s direction on anything. Not necessarily out of rebellion or disobedience, but simply going along with the day-to-day routine and not needing help with anything, or so we think at least. And it isn’t until we’re met with something that interrupts that routine that we realize we’ve been at the wheel, calling the shots, a lot longer than we intended.

Facing challenges in life that have no definite solution, no certainty, and no guarantee is an obvious test of faith. And for me, the decision-making surrounding this journey has revealed just how little faith I have in my own reasoning. That’s kind of the point, huh?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5–7 reminds us that this is exactly the point.

Yesterday I met with two new doctors to further weigh the treatment options set before me. My prayer going into these appointments was for peace, clarity, and confidence that God’s providential hand had led me there for a reason. I’m happy to report that He granted me all of those things and more. Anything that I was apprehensive about before, I feel much more at peace with now. In a nutshell, because I’m relatively young and already facing a breast cancer diagnosis, even with the best prognosis this time and a low risk of this particular cancer returning, there is no guarantee that a different type won’t develop later unless there is nothing left for it to return to.

So…

Two weeks from today, on March 26th, I will have a double mastectomy at Piedmont in Atlanta. With all of the data and test results that we currently have, the doctors feel very strongly that radiation or chemotherapy will not be necessary after surgery. Praise God! Because the surgery will remove all possibilities of recurrence, the only scenario that could potentially change the treatment plan would be lymph node involvement, which there is no indication of from any of the tests done thus far. So we pray that remains the case.

After surgery, when the pathology report comes back, there will be more heavy decisions to be made. But for now, I’m resting in His promises. I’m trusting in His provision. And most of all, I’m claiming His almighty power to see me through, one step at a time.

There simply aren’t words to express how appreciative I am of the outpouring of love and support that so many of you have shown my family. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!